I don’t use this blog ever to vent or go all “emo” but right now I’m going to. After a six year back and forth, on and off, tortuous relationship in which I was walked all over and taken advantage of, I finally got closure. He felt the need after 2 yeas of not speaking to start chatting again and dared to mention that thought of us ever reconciling. Normally I’d go along with it, making sure he knew I was going to be available to him if he decided he wanted me again. But this time I finally was strong enough to say no, it’s NEVER going to happen. I heard the things I’d been waiting to hear from him for years like “I didn’t realize what I was doing to you”, “I treated you terribly and it makes me sad” and the big one “I’m sorry”. He explained the reason he treated me the way he did was because he wanted me close but didn’t know how close…real fair for me. Now I can finally say this is all over. I feel weird, not sad, not happy, not relieved, not anxious…nothing. It’s like this thing that’s been inside of me since I was 17 is gone. The moral of this story is (if you’re actually still reading this) don’t let anyone walk all over you. Put your foot down and be strong as hard as it is. I wasted so much of my life passing up other relationships and good people for someone I knew deep down was wrong all along.
This song is officially the only thing that makes me think of him and nothing else…nothing :)